Originally shared in the Cosmic Dogcast Newsletter · August 2025
Are Our Expectations of Dogs Unreal or Unfair?
Hello Dog-Loving Friends,
This month, I want to talk about the expectations we place on our dogs, and whether those expectations are truly realistic or fair.
Let’s take a moment to think about what we often expect from our dogs.
We expect them to:
- Greet every human and dog politely
- Walk perfectly on leash, even when excited, scared, or overstimulated
- Never bark, jump, chew, or react
- Sit still while the world moves around them
- Adjust instantly to our routines, lifestyles, environments, and moods
- Learn cues quickly and follow them flawlessly every time
- Tolerate children handling them however they want, pulling their fur, getting in their face, chasing them, taking things from them, lying on them, and more
Now ask yourself:
Would you expect a toddler to sit calmly everywhere you go?
Would you expect a teenager to regulate emotions without guidance or practice?
Would you expect yourself to be calm, focused, and socially appropriate 100% of the time, especially in unfamiliar, overwhelming, or stressful environments?
We don’t expect perfection from ourselves or our children. So why do we expect it from our dogs?
Dogs Are Learning, Too
Dogs are sentient beings with emotions, needs, fears, and learning curves. They’re doing their best to live in a human world with no rulebook, no shared language, and often very little freedom to choose what feels safe or right to them.
Yet we often expect:
- Obedience over understanding
- Performance over connection
- Immediate behavior change without emotional support or context
Imagine being corrected or punished every time you made a mistake while learning a second language. That’s often what traditional dog training feels like for our dogs.
Shift the Lens: Train Through Understanding
At Cosmic Dog Training, we believe in training with dogs.
Games-based, concept training focuses on:
- Building skills like calmness, confidence, and flexibility
- Meeting dogs where they are emotionally
- Teaching through play, safety, and trust
- Creating lasting behavior change through connection rather than correction
When we shift our expectations from “perfect behavior” to emotional growth, we give our dogs the same grace we offer ourselves and our children.
A Better Question to Ask
Instead of asking,
“Why is my dog doing this?”
Try asking,
“What is my dog feeling, and how can I help them succeed?”
Behavior is only the visible part of the iceberg. Beneath it lies real emotion.
Our dogs aren’t giving us a hard time. They’re having a hard time, usually because they’ve found themselves in situations they don’t yet have the skills to handle.
Final Thought
Let’s stop holding dogs to a standard that no human could meet.
Instead, let’s raise them, guide them, and support them the way we would a child learning to thrive in a big, complicated world. In doing so, we build connection, trust, and love with our dogs.
With heart and paws,
Kathleen Valentine, PDT
